I’m driving again. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m 26 years old and I don’t have my driver’s license. I really don’t have any desire to drive. It makes me nervous, I find it stressful and I just don’t get any enjoyment out of it. Um.. Think of the carbon footprint that I’m not leaving? Also, if you think about it I’m really doing a service to all the people who do want to drive and also for the environment and The Google and most especially unicorns.

Last spring I had made the resolve to get my license (much to Jason’s delight) but I was able to distract him with buying a house and it kind of fell by the wayside. And then my permit expired. And I dreaded having my testicles poked at while I coughed and takeing another knowledge base test. It all sounded appointment heavy and annoying. I tried to once again use my bait and switch tactic of buying a house but Jason said we already had one and he didn’t fall for the same trick again.  Bribing him with the prospects of cookies didn’t work either. He’s a tough one when he’s made up his mind.

Much to my dismay surprise, the DMV thought about this (and there are apparently other slacker types like me) and you can renew your permit on the same physical for up to three years before having to once again get your testicles poked and take another knowledge test.

I went last Friday and after a akward exchange where I thought the DMV man was propositioning me…well, it went something like this:

DMVMan: Hi there, how can I help you?

Me: I need to renew my permit.

DMV: Oh yeah, I see that it’s expired by a few days (It was expired by like 4 months).

Me: Yeah just a few.

.. At this point we played twenty questions and he asked me how old I was (26) how did I get to the DMV today (Jason drove me) How old is Jason?

Then after I had given him my entire life history as well as a complete synopsis on the last year and a 500 word essay on the trials and tribulations of taking the mass transit in State College he asked why I was doing this.

Me: … Doing what?

DMV: Getting your permit.

Me: …. So I can drive?

DMV: You can’t drive with this. You have to have a licensed driver with you.

Me: Uh.. yeah.. but I need to practice so I can take my driving test and get my license…

DMV: What are you doing this afternoon?

Me: Excuse me?

DMV: Look, I’m trying to help you out here but you obviously don’t want my help.

Me: ?!

Apparently, he was giving driving tests that afternoon and that was what he was offering me. Personally, I felt that I was on some sort of hidden camera show.  In any event after he saw that he had utterly confused me with his millions of questions he gave me a shiny new permit and sent me on my way.

Saturday I drove a little bit when we went to see Lance and Jen and then last night I drove a ton and almost ran my first stop sign. That went a little something like this:

Me: (sees stop sign that says stop unless right turn) What direction are we going?

Lance: Straight.

Me: Okie.. (proceedes to drive straight without stopping until I realize that it’s a stop unless I’m turning right.. which I’m not doing)

In my defense some days I have trouble remembering my alphabet so expecting me to remember my directions is asking a lot.

In any case, the goal is to have my license before Turkey Day and it is felt all around by the jury (Jason and Lance respectively) that all I need to do is practice parallel parking and I’ll be good to take my driving test.

We shall see.