It all started innocently enough. We bought some samples.. selected the one we liked and then Lowes up and dumped that color. So we picked something else (and I’m happy with our selection) and then 29 boxes of it ended up in our basement. I’m not quite sure how he talked me into allowing us to do it, but we are.

Currently, most of the carpet is ripped up, some of the vinyl in the kitchen is ripped up and some of the floor is laid in the dining room/living room/never ending double wide hallway.

Thankfully a few of our close friends have volunteered to assist with the process (and they’ve done it before so they know what they’re doing!) and all should go smoothly.

I, however, will not participating much in this process. Oh sure, I removed staples from the subfloor and cut up some of the carpet but the actual laying of the Pergo? I want no part of that and the thought of it makes me semi anxious.

Thankfully, Jason agreed with me and has exiled me to the deck until further notice where I plan to create an oasis with the tropical plants I purchased at Home Depo this afternoon and as many margaritas as I can drink without throwing up. I figure if I’m drunk enough any mistake or mishap will roll off me like water on a duck.

I am truly in awe that Jason, who has never laid Pergo before, can read a few directions and can just start using power tools and saws and create a beautiful masterpiece. Everyone has limitations… and I know that I am not capable of doing what he’s undertaking. I work with mediums that I can easily correct; yarn and paint. If I fuck up some crochet or knitting I can (in most cases and with the assistance of experienced knitters!) undo what I fucked up and redo it correctly. With painting I just put more paint on the canvas until I see what it is I want to see. Doing things that are very final.. like cutting floor boards scares the dickens out of me.

I think it’s because I hate to mess up. I’m a Virgo.. I need order (at least an order that my mind calls order). I need exactness. I feel like I have to know exactly what it is I’m doing or I can’t do it unless I know I can pull a string or slap some more on to undo it.

I give kudos to those that are able to throw caution to the wind and live in the moment.

For some reason that post really struck a chord with me. For me, I often find that I spend time reading, wishing and planning and never actually getting around to doing.

That changed after I read that article. Why couldn’t I pretend to be the person that I wanted to be? I love being imaginative and I’m also gullable enough that it might just work!

I decided to keep it mildly simple. I would run around two miles five days out of seven. I would drink at least two sigg bottles of water a day( I shot for one in the morning and one in the afternoon). I would eat more vegetables. doesn’t sound too horrible right?

The next step was to do it. I opted not to really say much to anyone about it even though a lot of websites tell you to be accountable to someone. I decided it didn’t matter if I failed on any particular day since I was going for an overall goal of thirty days. There were days I skipped and that was ok with me.

I would say that I was able to accomplish 85% of my goal. Some days I didn’t drink as much water as I’d have liked and some days I skipped veggies.

Overall what it proved to me was that I can do the things that I want and form the habits that I want if I take each day at a time. I took steps to make sure it happened. I ran directly after work. I joined the office water club so that I’d have a never ending supply of cold, filtered water available to me during the day. I planned more meals around vegetables or took the time to prepare salads for lunch.

I’m still not at my ideal place with that goal, but that wasn’t the point. The point was to live like I wanted without any guilt or fear of failure. In that, I succeeded.

I can’t wait to see what the next thirty days brings me.

This past weekend Jason and I traveled to Minneapolis, MN to assist in the celebrating of a close friend’s birthday (Not just ANY old birthday, but I won’t give the number out lest he should hunt me down). One of the very first things we did once we arrived in town, aside from marvel at the fact that it was now snowing like crazy at home and warm (for February) in MN was visit the Mary Tyler Moore statue.

I used to watch the show on Nick at Night and I always enjoyed it. I loved Mary’s apartment and the way that none of her dinner parties ever went as they were supposed to because in real life how often does everything turn out ok? Sometimes your apartment gets robbed twice or your party ends in tears. It happens. I got to laugh along with them and cry along with them.

Once I’d seen it the theme song of course got stuck in my head. I’m still singing it today and it turned a light bulb of sorts on for me.

In the past month (the month of non existance) I’ve been unhappy, which probably contributed to the amount of blogging that I did. Or lack there of. Sure, I could have posted whiney melodramatic things about what I felt was wrong or I was unable to fix but that’s what I pay my friends to listen to in the privacy of my own living room. Or sometimes I tell the cats since they’re very good listeners. Most times though I just keep it to myself until I’ve divined some way to fix it before I bounce the crazy idea off someone else. I do this partly to make sure I’m not crazy and partly so I don’t do something I’ll regret if I haven’t really thought of all the possible outcomes. (And I wonder why I have trouble sleeping at night?)

I’ve made great strides for myself in the month of February, the first step being getting my hair cut. That might not seem like much of a big deal but I dread getting it done. I always long wistfully for something different, have no idea what I really want and end up getting the same old hair cut that I’ve been getting forever and then I repeat the process every 3-4 months. Not anymore. I went out on a rather shaky limb (all by my lonesome) and decided to make a leap of faith. Faith in the girl cutting my hair, faith that the haircut I selected would be flattering to me and faith that I could then recreate it at home. All I’ll say is that I wasn’t disappointed with any of the parties involved and the first time I did my hair in the morning and went to work (something I haven’t done every day since I got it cut because I’m still relatively lazy) I was met with rave reviews. The big scary huge change that I made for myself went swimmingly.

I also realized this past month that I’ve lived in my town for 10 years. That’s a decade. That’s a long ass time to live in the same place. At first I was really down on myself because what had I really accomplished in 10 years? I wasn’t so upset with where I’d gotten to I was more upset that I hadn’t gotten farther in that time. I’ve never been one to do anything spontaneously. I think things out. I look at every angle. I play it safe, I follow the rules. What accomplishments and unmet accomplishments and being spontaneous have to do with each other, I have no idea. But it was a freakout and I was going with it.

The desire to run, and just run as fast as I could was gripping me too. So I started to run (or well.. walk briskly and jog/run). 6 days out of 7 I am usually running 2.5 miles a day. It makes my legs ache, my feet ache and my knees ache and I love every second of it. I love the feeling of a stitch almost stabbing me in the side, I love the way my shirt clings to me after I work up a sweat and feel like I’ve done something. Mostly I love how alive I feel afterward.

I think in this last month I’ve learned to not be so overly critical of myself. Shit happens. Bad moods happen. Bitchiness happens. Mistakes are made. And I don’t care as much anymore. I’ve learned this month that when my friends need me, no matter what, I am able to be the kind of friend to them that I would want were I in their situation. Knowing that I can put the needs of people that I care about above my own has really helped me let go of a lot of my own perceived failures or mistakes. Maybe I’m not such a horrible excuse of a human being after all. Maybe I’m not so bad. Maybe those things that happened years ago that I wish so very desperately to redo don’t really matter as much as I thought they did because what really matters is right now. So what if I made the wrong choice X number of years ago? How am I dealing with the situation at hand.

And after this trip to Minnesota that was long over due I found out that the theme song is true. “Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don’t you take it?” The things that I want are out there. I can’t sit still and just wait for them to happen, I have to make them happen. I have to be the change I want to see. And the more I work to make them happen the more momentum I’ll have to make more happen.

I’m going to make it after all.

Its movin fast!

Aside from the mountain of homework that accumulates each week (and that I have to work on every day.. which I’m not used to or liking in the least bit!) I’ve undertook a new project. I’m knitting my sister in law a baby hammock for her photography and I’m very excited about the prospects. She chose the yarn, we found a pattern together and I’m going to do the actual work. I was a bit nervous at first when we started to talk about it and I offered before I’d actually seen a pattern. Who knew what crazy new stitches I’d have to learn? Who knew what obscure piece of machinery I’d need to conquer just to be able to mangle it into some semblance of shape? As it turns out it’s just the knit stitch along with a few increases and then a few decreases. This thing is going to practically make itself!

In other news, we were supposed to receive 4-8 inches of snow from some storm that has the eastern US in it’s clutches. Yeah… we’re at over a foot right now. If anyone out there is missing about 5 inches of snow, you left it in Pennsylvania and we’d all appreciate it if you’d come and pick it up. I know that in some portions of the country a drizzle is cause to drive erratically, panic and call off work. What am I going to do with an extra five inches of snow and a Saturday? Besides shovel it.

I actually really like when we have big storms like this because everything, no matter how disgusting, looks so pristine and white. Everything looks like it has the most delicate layer of frosting imaginable on it. It’s only when I’m hoisting it off the driveway and sidewalks that I raise my tiny fist to the heavens and shake it violently.

So here’s to February. The groundhog saw his shadow (though how he’d NOT see it with all those lights shining on him is beyond me) and I blame this snow fall on him. I’m buried under a pile of meteorology and writing assignments and I’m pretty sure that the next time I write in, it will be because we have another major snowfall that I’m trying to procrastinate from shoveling or because school has ended and summer is here.

I hope neither of those things are the case.

So I dug around a bit. Massive earthquake. Not cool. Luckily a facebook friend whom I had the privledge of going to high school with is very active in forming a campaign to send aid to Haiti. He’s been updating his status constantly and I feel informed in a postive way. Instead of hearing about how horrific the devistation is (which I’m sure it is and am in no way making light of) I get the positive end.. I get to hear what people are doing about it.

I also came across this link from {Bits of Beauty} where they kind of break it all down realistically for you while still urging you to give if you wish to do so. It’s a very good article. They preface it by saying “You might not like what I’m about to say” but honestly.. it’s well worth a read and I feel it has truth painted all over it.

It fills me with such hope that through just text messaging (the bane of our civilization according to some Oldsters) has raised 7 million dollars through 5 and 10 dollar donations. That’s mind blowing. That’s amazing. That’s the kind of inspiration in your fellow man that can move you to tears.

I urge everyone, if you have the 5 bucks to spare, spare it. Who knows the lives you may touch and help to save. You could be donating money to the person who will eventually cure cancer, create a new energy source, or save the world.

The possibilities are endless. 

I hate this time of year because it’s so cold and bleak here. The landscape is usually white and frosty, the trees are bare. The days are gray and the majority of the day (when it’s sunny out) is spent inside.

Today I returned back to the real world of working and going to school and within the first twenty minutes of being at my desk I read an email I received that normally would have upset me and threatened to shatter the vacation serenity that I possessed. I hate getting emails about things that I need to do that I’m already aware of but aren’t needed for X amount of weeks or months. If I had a habit of forgetting things like this then I could certainly understand the reminders, but I don’t.

Instead of getting all bothered, annoyed and grumpy though I took a step back and realized that it is simply this person’s need. It was this person’s OCD. It was their need to be right and point out some imaginary and perceived flaw that didn’t exist. It wasn’t about me at all. So I simply pointed out that I hadn’t forgotten, when the item was good until (next month) and that I’d make sure it was done by the end of the week. And then I did it today.

In that moment I realized that this isn’t my forever. It is that person’s forever and that’s kind of sad. But it’s not mine. I don’t know how long it will be mine, but I do know that eventually it won’t be mine any longer and in that I took great comfort and was able to let the annoying email slide away.

I think my main resolution (and there is certainly a long list of things that I’d like to accomplish this year) will be to hold onto that vacation serenity. That freshness you get when you go away and come home and have to go back to monotony. I want to wrap it around myself like a big teflon blanket so that everyone’s negativity just slides off.

This will be a very hard resolution to keep but one that will certainly be well worth the effort.

I think it’d be a good idea if I did not opporate any heavy machinery, drive a motor vehicle, or do anything more strenuous than sit.

Yeesh.