I really hate bills. As stated yesterday, they make up 98% of what mail comes into my house. It’s really digusting to work all month (we only get paid once a month where I work) and then to give 75% of that to other people. Who needs these things called shelter and electricty?!! I do apparently. It still smarts though, especially as costs continue to rise and incomes don’t keep up with inflation.

That is why I’m so pleased that Jason and I made a huge decision about 10 minutes ago. We’re getting rid of cable. I don’t know about you, but I feel so liberated right now like I just burnt my underwear in a demonstration somewhere.

I’m not new to the no tv thing. You see, once upon a time, when my life was a whispered breath away from collapsing and if it hadn’t been for Claudia (my kitty) I probably would have spent my time in a dark corner somewhere, curled up in the fetal position and sat there and cried. But Claudia needed to eat, and we needed to attempt to live and all that good stuff so I didn’t. But as I couldn’t afford both shelter and food for myself (I always made sure that Claudia ate before I did) that something had to go and since I apparently needed fun things like electricity and sewage use the next thing to cut was the landline telephone and the tv/internet. It was hard, especially the internet part. I got a cellphone so I wasn’t without contact to the outside world, but the loss of the internet AND the television was a bit much for me. I didn’t know what to do with my time. I suddenly had so much of it and nothing to do! I couldn’t watch tv! I couldn’t surf the web!

What I ended up doing was reading a lot, playing video games and watching dvds. Some I had never even opened. How disgustingly wasteful is that? I watched some new movies and some old favorites. I listened to music. I (gasp!) cleaned. And you know what? It didn’t bother me that I didn’t have cable. I wasn’t really missing all that much.

Now though, I don’t watch cable at all. I think the first real “television” I watched was the other weekend when we had company over to watch the Penn State game. That was the first time in months I’d watched anything. Mostly we watch movies or television shows that are on dvd. I use the internet heavily for both work and leisure. We never really seem to sit and just watch what is on.

I used to. I got hooked on shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives and Lost but for whatever reason I just stopped watching. I plan to get the dvds and watch that way so that I can skip the commercials. I also really like the instant satisfaction of being able to watch episode after episode.

The huge plus out of all of this is that we won’t be missing anything at all and we’ll save over 100 bucks a month which is awesome because there are some things that Jason and I would like to do around the house (like painting and redoing the floors) and being able to save that much a month will really help us on our way to accomplishing our goals.

This weekend I had one of those “click” moments where everything becomes crystal clear and falls into place and you “get it”. How long that feeling will last is anyone’s guess but while it is this is what I’ve surmised from my little jaunt out of the fog. I have to make life what I want it to be in order for it to be the way I want. Profound Simplistic huh?

The thing is though that everything can suddenly feel like too much. Dishes, laundry, work, school, yard work, mopping.. it can become overwhelming. And before you know it it’s all piled to the ceiling, you have no idea where to begin and it just accumulates until you burn the house down to get rid of it all and you figure that you might as well just cash in on the insurance money and then you’re going to jail for arson and insurance fraud. Who has time for that?

It can be daunting though. For instance this weekend I did every dish that was gracing the counter and sink with its presence. And then I cooked a big pot of chili mac (Thank you RR for the recipe) and then somehow, be it gremlins or elves, the sink was mysteriously full of dishes again. I was back to where I started from (albeit with a full stomache this time).

I’ve also really wanted to get in shape and run. So I’ve been running. I didn’t run as long this weekend as I did on Thursday because I learned some valueable things. I really can’t run for 25 minutes yet without feeling like I want to curl up in a pit and die. I also learned that I have to pace myself a bit.. I’ll get there, but right now I’m back there (way back there) and to get over there want I want to be it’s not as simple as just simply walking there and saying “I’m here now!”. It’s a process.

Something I started when we moved into the house was a fairly large basket in the kitchen to help control the mail (both junk and bills) clutter that accumulates on a daily basis. I really hate the mail. 97% of what comes in is a bill which requires payment (yuck) 3% of it isn’t worth the paper it was printed on and then I get upset that people are cluttering not only my house with their crap that I don’t want but they’re wasting resources (double yuck) and then that 1% is fun stuff like presents and letters and good things. And while the state of junk mail may be another topic all together this experience is something that everyone faces so you can groan with me for a second.

Ok, moving onto the basket. This has worked out fairly well. Everytime we need to clean the living room all the bills and magazines and misc pieces of paper that have fluttered, crawled, or clawed their way into our house goes into the basket. Did I mention it’s a big basket? It’s huge. So imagine my surprise when it was filled a good foot taller than the side of the basket. We sat down and shredded all the documents that needed to be ripped into tiny tiny pieces and recycled the rest of the magazines and junk flyers. When we were done we ended up with three garbage bags of shredded materials. I was a bit shocked at how much space a few months worth of mail can take up. I don’t know about anyone else, but my space is precious and could be filled with other things instead of clutter and paper that is weighting my soul down. Now the basket is empty, the clutter is gone and i feel so much better by just getting that accomplished. It really is the little things in life that make the difference and make things manageable.

Calvin was also so excited about the removal of unnecessary papers and documents that he decided to occupy as much space as he possibly could. Please note, this feline is not clutter.

Jason has gone to Chicago. Or he will be in a very short time period. He’ll be gone all week. This means that not only will I have to take the bus in the middle of the night (7AM) to get to work in the morning and brace the crowds of happy perky morning people but I’ll also have to entertain myself for like days. Days people! Plural! It’s really weird to me how much you grow accustomed to someone being in your space and then when that person is removed for a very short period of time you feel rather helpless and unsure of what to do with yourself.

I have recently regained my crafty prowess. I am in the mood to make everything I’ve ever wanted to make. Unfortunately I want to make it all at once which doesn’t work out too well and then I can’t decide on what to make and then end up making nothing because I can’t pin point what I would get the most pleasure out of making.

I did however just finish a very special project (which turned out smashingly) and the next project I want to undertake is for Fer’s new year’s costume. You see, each new year’s she, her sister in law and friends have some sort of informal party and usually they go with some sort of theme. The first year I attended was the 80’s. Last year’s was the 70’s. This year they discussed Famous Heros and Villians. How awesome is that for a party theme? So many choices! Anyway, While discussing the options of who could go as what I volunteered to create a key piece of the outfit. The theme may or may not stick and if not I can always toss it on ebay, plus it’ll give me something to keep myself occupied.

Speaking of keeping myself occupied why now? Why am I suddenly now getting my creative juices back into overdrive now that school has started? Know what I made all summer? A dent in the couch. So why all of a sudden do I feel the urge to take on the world and also paint/refinish/mend/create/redo everything that’s not nailed down to the floor?

This week is going to be kinda rough with the homework and riding of the bus. Did I mention that one of my classes isn’t over until 9:30? Yeah.. I’m probably looking at close to 11 by the time I get home.. and then I get to eat dinner, squeeze the cats, unwind, prepare for the following day and go to sleep so I can get back up at 6am to catch the bus again to get to work on time. I would avoid me on Thursday if I were you. It won’t be fun to be within 20 feet of me.

Where’s a bottle of vitavetavegamin when you need it?

I said I wasn’t going to do it. In fact, I told anyone that would listen that I wasn’t having any of it this year. Nope. Not this guy. I was done. Bad experiences had soiled my memory and I was washing my hands of the entire thing. That meant no tree, no decorations, very few presents, DEFINATELY no baking.. I was not going to be holly, jolly or any other words that ended in olly. Christmas was not happenin at my house!

So what suddenly changed that I now feel all fuzzy inside and I want to make gifts for my loved ones? I have a few ideas.

I’ve let it go. The man who can hold a grudge for eternity (and beyond!) has let it go. I’ve accepted that the sitatuion was and always will remain the same and I’ve made provisions to ensure that this year I don’t have to experience the same thing again. It’s weird.. I was so very very angry. Hell’s fury known as woman was like holding a bic up to my bonfire. Besides leading to the darkside though, the anger wasn’t really hurting the people that had hurt me.. I mean afterall, I was the angry one. I wouldn’t say that I’ve forgotten and forgiven the instance as for that to happen there would need to be dialogue (which there isn’t) but I’ve accepted it for what it was and them for who they are. I realized that the only person that I can change in this instance is myself. I can change how it effected and continues to resonate (or not!) in my life. I chose for it to not resonate.

Another reason is I’ve been working on a top secret surprise (which I’ll post pictures of once it’s completed) that has been so theraputic for me. I have no pattern to follow, I can do it while watching tv and I know that it will be well received. In the midst of all this I missed the creativity that comes along with the holiday season.

You may not know this yet, but I’m a Christmas junkie. Christmas was always a big time of year, not because of the boat load of presents but because of all the rituals that were conducted. Every year I helped my grandma put up her tree and decorated it and there was the village she put in the bay window. My grandfather would record the christmas specials (Hours upon hours of them) and cut out all the commercials and we’d sit and watch them. Then there was all the cookie baking that my mother and I would do. It was such a creative process and I feel my best when I’m able to express myself in some way.

Now that I’m older that way had always been my tree and the decorations I chose to display as well as the way I would wrap my gifts. I wanted the wrapping to be as awesome as the gift that was inside. And that too is creative for me.

So why would I even for one second consider cutting that out for myself? Only a crazy person would do that.

Am I going to get wild with my spreadsheet of gifts and spending? You’re damn right I am. Will there be cookies galore? You betcha. Will my house look like I’m related to Chevy Chase? Not so much.. but there will be a tree. Maybe some outside decorations.

I’m kicking it into high gear. I’m going to grab this holiday season by the horns and make it my bitch. Everyone is going to have a awesome holiday season if I have to kill every last person on the face of the earth to do it!

This may look like a pathetic little tree, but really it’s hiding under my desk and preparing to spring out at unsuspecting coworkers who want to drop things off for me. Work seems to be the only gift that really keeps on giving.