Today I was in the mail room of my office and I was making some copies when I noticed this promotional calendar for a local copying business hanging on the wall. At the top, the calendar gave their business name and contact information so I’ve removed it. What interested me in this calendar was that they were boasting full color printing, yet the calendar they had handed out as a promotional item wasn’t in color at all, but in gray, black and white. Maybe because it had a shade of gray that meant it was in color.. I really don’t know, but it made me point, laugh and take a picture.

First I’d like to say that had February been a longer month, I probably would have found more time to post. I feel a lot like someone is playing tug of war with me and 2010 as it’s slipping by at an alarming rate. Today’s post will be very Februaryish even if I missed it by a few days though. I swear.

This past weekend Jason and I traveled to Minneapolis, MN to assist in the celebrating of a close friend’s birthday (Not just ANY old birthday, but I won’t give the number out lest he should hunt me down). One of the very first things we did once we arrived in town, aside from marvel at the fact that it was now snowing like crazy at home and warm (for February) in MN was visit the Mary Tyler Moore statue.

I used to watch the show on Nick at Night and I always enjoyed it. I loved Mary’s apartment and the way that none of her dinner parties ever went as they were supposed to because in real life how often does everything turn out ok? Sometimes your apartment gets robbed twice or your party ends in tears. It happens. I got to laugh along with them and cry along with them.

Once I’d seen it the theme song of course got stuck in my head. I’m still singing it today and it turned a light bulb of sorts on for me.

In the past month (the month of non existance) I’ve been unhappy, which probably contributed to the amount of blogging that I did. Or lack there of. Sure, I could have posted whiney melodramatic things about what I felt was wrong or I was unable to fix but that’s what I pay my friends to listen to in the privacy of my own living room. Or sometimes I tell the cats since they’re very good listeners. Most times though I just keep it to myself until I’ve divined some way to fix it before I bounce the crazy idea off someone else. I do this partly to make sure I’m not crazy and partly so I don’t do something I’ll regret if I haven’t really thought of all the possible outcomes. (And I wonder why I have trouble sleeping at night?)

I’ve made great strides for myself in the month of February, the first step being getting my hair cut. That might not seem like much of a big deal but I dread getting it done. I always long wistfully for something different, have no idea what I really want and end up getting the same old hair cut that I’ve been getting forever and then I repeat the process every 3-4 months. Not anymore. I went out on a rather shaky limb (all by my lonesome) and decided to make a leap of faith. Faith in the girl cutting my hair, faith that the haircut I selected would be flattering to me and faith that I could then recreate it at home. All I’ll say is that I wasn’t disappointed with any of the parties involved and the first time I did my hair in the morning and went to work (something I haven’t done every day since I got it cut because I’m still relatively lazy) I was met with rave reviews. The big scary huge change that I made for myself went swimmingly.

I also realized this past month that I’ve lived in my town for 10 years. That’s a decade. That’s a long ass time to live in the same place. At first I was really down on myself because what had I really accomplished in 10 years? I wasn’t so upset with where I’d gotten to I was more upset that I hadn’t gotten farther in that time. I’ve never been one to do anything spontaneously. I think things out. I look at every angle. I play it safe, I follow the rules. What accomplishments and unmet accomplishments and being spontaneous have to do with each other, I have no idea. But it was a freakout and I was going with it.

The desire to run, and just run as fast as I could was gripping me too. So I started to run (or well.. walk briskly and jog/run). 6 days out of 7 I am usually running 2.5 miles a day. It makes my legs ache, my feet ache and my knees ache and I love every second of it. I love the feeling of a stitch almost stabbing me in the side, I love the way my shirt clings to me after I work up a sweat and feel like I’ve done something. Mostly I love how alive I feel afterward.

I think in this last month I’ve learned to not be so overly critical of myself. Shit happens. Bad moods happen. Bitchiness happens. Mistakes are made. And I don’t care as much anymore. I’ve learned this month that when my friends need me, no matter what, I am able to be the kind of friend to them that I would want were I in their situation. Knowing that I can put the needs of people that I care about above my own has really helped me let go of a lot of my own perceived failures or mistakes. Maybe I’m not such a horrible excuse of a human being after all. Maybe I’m not so bad. Maybe those things that happened years ago that I wish so very desperately to redo don’t really matter as much as I thought they did because what really matters is right now. So what if I made the wrong choice X number of years ago? How am I dealing with the situation at hand.

And after this trip to Minnesota that was long over due I found out that the theme song is true. “Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don’t you take it?” The things that I want are out there. I can’t sit still and just wait for them to happen, I have to make them happen. I have to be the change I want to see. And the more I work to make them happen the more momentum I’ll have to make more happen.

I’m going to make it after all.

How did it happen to become February already? My year is flying by me far too quickly for comfort. I remember last year that I couldn’t wait for 2010 and threw weeks at the trash like they were used up and moldy before they’d even been born and now I can’t seem to cling to weeks as someone comes and rips them from my claw like hands.

Its movin fast!

Aside from the mountain of homework that accumulates each week (and that I have to work on every day.. which I’m not used to or liking in the least bit!) I’ve undertook a new project. I’m knitting my sister in law a baby hammock for her photography and I’m very excited about the prospects. She chose the yarn, we found a pattern together and I’m going to do the actual work. I was a bit nervous at first when we started to talk about it and I offered before I’d actually seen a pattern. Who knew what crazy new stitches I’d have to learn? Who knew what obscure piece of machinery I’d need to conquer just to be able to mangle it into some semblance of shape? As it turns out it’s just the knit stitch along with a few increases and then a few decreases. This thing is going to practically make itself!

In other news, we were supposed to receive 4-8 inches of snow from some storm that has the eastern US in it’s clutches. Yeah… we’re at over a foot right now. If anyone out there is missing about 5 inches of snow, you left it in Pennsylvania and we’d all appreciate it if you’d come and pick it up. I know that in some portions of the country a drizzle is cause to drive erratically, panic and call off work. What am I going to do with an extra five inches of snow and a Saturday? Besides shovel it.

I actually really like when we have big storms like this because everything, no matter how disgusting, looks so pristine and white. Everything looks like it has the most delicate layer of frosting imaginable on it. It’s only when I’m hoisting it off the driveway and sidewalks that I raise my tiny fist to the heavens and shake it violently.

So here’s to February. The groundhog saw his shadow (though how he’d NOT see it with all those lights shining on him is beyond me) and I blame this snow fall on him. I’m buried under a pile of meteorology and writing assignments and I’m pretty sure that the next time I write in, it will be because we have another major snowfall that I’m trying to procrastinate from shoveling or because school has ended and summer is here.

I hope neither of those things are the case.

I woke up the other day and saw that people were upset and concerned about Haiti. Something had happened. Something big. I didn’t know what that thing was as I am without cable and refuse to partcipate in any sort of news program other than mindless celebrity drivel. (Everyone needs to know who let a nip slip and who is dating who and where some rich singer is acting crazy currently, don’t you think?). For me it’s a brief escape, I usually feel sainer having seen what the other half are doing and you know what the best part is? The story list doesn’t look like this: Murder, Murder, Fire, Murder, Death, Distruction, Mayhem, Doom, Murder.  I can’t stand that. It’s depressing. It’s not really giving me all the facts, only the ones that look negative and can be sensationalized and cause people to panic unnecessarily.

So I dug around a bit. Massive earthquake. Not cool. Luckily a facebook friend whom I had the privledge of going to high school with is very active in forming a campaign to send aid to Haiti. He’s been updating his status constantly and I feel informed in a postive way. Instead of hearing about how horrific the devistation is (which I’m sure it is and am in no way making light of) I get the positive end.. I get to hear what people are doing about it.

I also came across this link from {Bits of Beauty} where they kind of break it all down realistically for you while still urging you to give if you wish to do so. It’s a very good article. They preface it by saying “You might not like what I’m about to say” but honestly.. it’s well worth a read and I feel it has truth painted all over it.

It fills me with such hope that through just text messaging (the bane of our civilization according to some Oldsters) has raised 7 million dollars through 5 and 10 dollar donations. That’s mind blowing. That’s amazing. That’s the kind of inspiration in your fellow man that can move you to tears.

I urge everyone, if you have the 5 bucks to spare, spare it. Who knows the lives you may touch and help to save. You could be donating money to the person who will eventually cure cancer, create a new energy source, or save the world.

The possibilities are endless.